“The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman — A Good Illustration of the Apostasy in Evangelicalism
The importance of writing this brief review and warning on a very dangerous book written by a “pop-star love-guru” couldn’t be overstated. Its also long overdue, knowing many people personally, including family, that have bought and drank the Kool-aid of this destructive heresy and apostasy. They are fulfilling what 2 Tim 4:3-4 says will occur in the last days,
“For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears; And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.”
Another reason for this review is because of the danger and damage so-called professing believers are doing, such as Tim Challies, in straddling the fence with their promotion of clear unBiblical heresy rather than opposing the unscriptural and psychological concept of "Love Languages" as he does here. Rather than marking and avoiding the foundational false teachings of this unScriptural concept, he gives positives remarks about the book being "helpful" and says though "there’s a couple flaws . . . Once we see those flaws, we can learn how to use these languages even better." This is typical compromised hocus pocus from the Reformed-Calvinist camp, who wouldn't, or couldn't maybe more accurately, stand up for the truth of God's Word, and then plainly, boldly, and pointedly condemn false teachings and warn against it, even if their life depended upon it. They are spineless flubber evanjellyfish, that wouldn't know obedience to Scripture if it hit them right on the nose.
The crux of Five Love Languages is that every person allegedly has a love tank that’s continually running empty. If you love someone, you need to find out how to fill their love tank. The way you do that is by learning their love language, and speaking that love language. It may be acts of service. It may be physical touch. It may be words of affirmation. There are five different languages according to Chapman, with subsidiary dialects. So what he teaches and you need to do, is study that person, your spouse specifically but maybe also your girlfriend or boyfriend, and learn to speak their language, and this apparently is you showing love to her or him.
As you will read below, this is absolutely unscriptural and has very similar overtones and underlying humanistic philosophy as the book Love & Respect, and likewise loaded with "Christian" psychology and humanistic redundant facts with no Biblical support or foundation. Though this package of lies, humanism and psychology is sold or promoted as good Christian fodder, and though it may be very popular amongst evangelical-types, including among many Mennonites (such as the evangelical denominations EMC and EMBC, where it’s embraced and taught religiously)—even though it was written towards non-believers according to Chapman—almost nothing could be further from the truth. Its in clesr contradiction to the truth of God’s Word.
Consider a few reasons among many, why this is a dangerous and heretical book:
1. Because it puts mere superficial band aids on a lot of miserable situations, and then in many cases make them inevitably worse, due its fleshly basis.
Chapman defines the five love languages as: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. The core premises of Five Love Languages are simply false. They pander to the very problem that most needs solving. Selfishness, the love of self, like Scripture says will occur in these last perilous days, "For men shall be lovers of their own selves," (2 Tim 3:1-2). The irony is, Chapman claims that when self-centredness becomes selfishness that issues arise — but that happens to be the entire foundation of his book! Self-centredness and selfishness. In his later book “The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace,” (an opportunistic endeavour) he had to change his so-called love languages because not many employees like to be sexually harassed. Like the chameleon, he changes his tune according to whatever way the wind blows. And of course the reason for that is simply because the premise of his writings are not based upon the truth of God’s Word but upon humanism and psychology, which’s main customer is the flesh.
Maybe that is why Chapman stated, “When I wrote the book, I wrote it intentionally with non-Christians in mind.” (source). Why would a so-called Christian write a book to non-Christians that has absolutely nothing in it about the gospel of Jesus Christ and soteriology, so that they can be saved? Yet its subject is "love" and marriage? Why would he write a book that is only flesh deep for the unsaved, yet, again, entirely on the subject of "love"? If there was any single point that proves that this heretic is a wolf in sheep's clothing (Matt 7:15), this must surely be it.
What he is teaching is all about “I.” What is best for “me.” “You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours.” Hence the “I still Do” Family Life conference’s he has taught at, where the “I” is non-coincidental — standing for “I” in my own flesh and strength and employing whatever techniques and methods psychology has to offer, “still do” have the power to achieve and maintain a happy marriage. Its that sort of worldly and fleshly philosophy that guides this book, intermixed with psychology.
The serious and dangerous misleading impression that one derives from this book is that ones personal relationship with God is subservient to the goal of building a stronger marriage. This aligns with the solely flesh-based response to marriage issues, what the book offers and caters to.
Much of what he references for behaviour in the marriage, is based around rediscovering emotional love in marriage, by which he apparently means the kind of starry-eyed emotions experienced by young couples during pre-marital “dating” (which Scripture opposes, 1 Cor 7:1).
Problems in marriage are presented simply as errors of technique, and the ultimate goal in marriage is presented as sensual or emotional satisfaction. Conflict in marriage is not presented as the expected result of individual sin and/or unconverted estate of a marriage partner. There is absolutely NO clear Biblical presentation of the true gospel, NO mention of the fallen state of man, NO mention of man’s sinful nature, NO mention of man’s absolute need for salvation/conversion, or the sin-corrupted nature of man’s reasoning and resolve. Rather, the flesh is indulged, the emotions are exploited, and the sensual nature of man’s lusts are manipulated. In all the self-esteemism found therein, there is never one suggestion that the root cause of man’s low self-esteem is God’s moral law which condemns sinful behaviour. The major emphasis on “I” and “Me” is profound throughout the book. By sheer will of the flesh, each individual husband and wife are assumed to be able to accomplish their assigned tasks to achieve a “happy marriage.” Failure is never attributed to the fallen sinful nature of man, but rather to error in technique or to insufficient information and tools. There is zero accountability or responsibility for man’s sinful nature and behaviour.
The Five Love Languages model utterly fails the Biblical test. This heretical book has absolutely nothing to do with Biblical Christianity, glorifying God or obeying His Word. His understanding of human nature is completely from a psychological, worldly perspective, relying entirely on horizontal relations of “I must have my needs met by the flesh of man.” He doesn’t understand or know that the human nature is sin, sinful, lustful, and wicked, and that vast majority of people in the world are unconverted, including those who profess to be Christian, and that there one great need is to repent genuinely in godly sorrow and surrender to Jesus Christ as Lord to be converted by Him and to Him. He entirely rejects what the Bible says in so many places about our evil, wicked, and sinful nature, like what Jesus said in Mk 7:21-23,
“For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness: All these evil things come from within, and defile the man.”
For true born again Christians, the solution to marriage problems is centred in salvation, the gospel. Those who who have received perfect forgiveness, redemption, been justified and sanctified, and received God’s gracious love, are able to show love to somebody else including their spouse, whether that person loves them or not (1 Pet 3:1-7), whether they are an enemy or not (Matt 5:43-48). It’s not based upon what someone deserves, not based upon whether my love tank is being filled by them or whether they have some kind of love tank that needs to be filled, but that I’ve received God’s grace, a new circumcised heart, a new life, a new creation, justification; and ultimately, it’s God’s grace and not my spouse who fills my needs.
Matter of fact, God's grace will cause those that are truly born again to turn from these evil unfruitful works of darkness and reprove them (Eph 5:11; cf. Ti 2:11-14). They demonstrate in their separation that they truly trust in the Lord and are like trees planted by the rivers of water, which that great first Psalm illustrates, correspondingly explicitly to what Jer 17:5-8 is teaching.
“Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper. The ungodly are not so: but are like the chaff which the wind driveth away. Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous. For the LORD knoweth the way of the righteous: but the way of the ungodly shall perish.” (Ps 1:1-6).
The marriages in Chapman’s book don’t need Jesus’ gospel. The people don’t need help and power from outside themselves, even to stumble in the right direction. They don’t need the Lord Jesus to come back, as they consider the current fixing adequate.
In drawing from the wells of pop-psychology and the world’s way of doing things and giving complete allegiance to the flesh, he leaves the reader with the impression that God’s Word is insufficient for godliness in marriage and family. There is not even a hint of 2 Pet 1:3-4, which reads:
“According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue: Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust. And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge.”
There is no clear case made for the confession of sin to God and to ones partner, or true repentance, or bearing (or forebearing) with one another. Chapman’s entire foundation is completely faulty and corrupt, for he does not understand the most basic of true spirituality, which is that of vast majority of people are unconverted, unregenerate, unsaved, and that includes vast majority of professing “Christians,” so the possibility of one or both marriage partners being without Christ and thus are not new creatures but old creatures in the flesh, is first and foremost the issue that must be addressed — yet in-spite of the critical and foremost importance of this issue, it isn’t so much as he even mentioned, anywhere. So the readers are assumed to be “good” people making errors in marriage due to ignorance of proper technique. Nothing could be further from the truth!
Chapman treats desires as givens, as “love languages” to be spoken in order to fill someones “love tank” that has emptied. He never ever deals with the fact that people can desire evil, and the fact that unsaved people always desire evil. Immorality, violence, stubborn selfishness, drinking, obsession with career or looks or money or house or reputation, etc, do these come from empty places inside basically good people? I trow not! Such things arise from active evil inside us (Mk 7:21-23) because our hearts are “deceitful above all things and desperately wicked” (Jer 17:9). Chapman never deals with the fact that even desires for good things can still be evil desires in God’s diagnosis of our deceptive nature.
There was also NO warning on fornication or adultery, NO warning to the adulterers and adulteresses—i.e., those that have been married more than once, while their spouse with whom God made them one flesh still lives—that the evidence of their sinful ongoing adulterous life is more than enough for the Scriptures to condemn them as unsaved false professing believers (e.g. Mk. 10:2-12; cf. Ex. 20:14; Jer 23:14; Mk 10:19; 1 Cor. 6:9-11; Gal. 5:19-21).
There is a very obvious explanation as to why the Bible is not Chapman’s foundation and that’s simply because he does not know the Bible, nor the God of the Bible. It is a powerless Book to him, yet he uses it as his crutch.
This book however is a snap shot of Christianized psychological self-help. The kind of thing that this book does is replicated in every Psychology 101 textbook, in each of the personality theories, and in all the self-help books on the shelves of bookstores.
According to Scripture, Chapman is a spiritual reprobate.
“Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, [EXACTLY!] Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. Now as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, reprobate concerning the faith. But they shall proceed no further: for their folly shall be manifest unto all men, as theirs also was.” (2 Tim 3:5-9)
He gives next to no Biblical advice and the moments he could have easily proven a point out of Scripture, from the source of absolute truth, and thus glorify God, silence. Nothing. For instance, in his guiding principle for human relationships, he unwittingly exalts the observation that “if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?” (Matt. 5:46f; Luke 6:32f). Perhaps this is the reason for no Biblical citation because he also unwittingly teaches the very thing that the publicans—i.e., generically unsaved people—were doing, which is only loving them that love you.
Though it may be possible that “Many couples say that choosing to love and expressing it in the primary love language of their spouse has made a drastic difference in their marriage” (p. 173), it is not glorifying to God because it caters to the flesh, to the emotions, to meeting the “needs” of a spouse or fiancé whether its sinful or not, and it certainly does not glorify God, or revolve around obedience and keeping His Word and doing His will. Far from it. in fact, God isn't even in the picture. And Chapman teaches that the motive for filling someone else's love tank is to have your own filled. Its selfish, self-centred, man-centred, and really about loving the flesh and the world while having "Jesus" in the back pocket. It doesn’t work like that however. People that believe this lie have been deceived and accepted the lie, and have embraced “another Jesus,” and fooled by “another spirit” (2 Cor 11:4) and prove to be absent of the Father’s love, for “If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.” (1 Jn 2:15b).
Of course common grace, even among publicans and the rest of the heathen, does do some genuine good in this world. It raises human relationships above the level of naked self-interest and selfishness, and adversarial manipulation or bullying. Dog-eat-dog marriages become happier when couples learn how to generate some win-win dynamics. God does after all bless both saved and unsaved marriages, as expressed throughout Scripture, e.g., “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” (Heb 13:4). Nevertheless, I do not believe for a second that many of those marriages according to the testimonials have been drastically changed, as the people gush, another symptom of the abrupt emotionalism that runs rank and front amongst his audience. If they have, its likely only going to be temporal, since the pig turns back to his mire inevitably and the dog to his vomit (2 Pet 2:22). “Can the Ethiopian change his skin, or the leopard his spots? then may ye also do good, that are accustomed to do evil.” (Jer 13:23). No man can change the heart of flesh in man, or his unruly poisonous tongue (Jam 3); only the Triune God has that ability. Those that “are accustomed to do evil,” — which is ALL people in the world prior to conversion, since all are sinners (Jer 17:9; Rom 3:10-20), — will continue to do evil because of their evil and uncircumcised heart (Mk 7:21-23); they cannot change that one iota, just like the Ethiopian cannot change his skin or the leopard his spots. That is why true Biblical salvation through the one true gospel is the answer to all of life’s problems and the victories are permanent. Those that are truly born again do not need this psychological garbage and are in fact repulsed but it, along the same lines as God spewing out of His mouth the lukewarm false professing "believers" of Laodicea (Rev 3:14-18), which are a perfect illustration of the very people that feed on this toxic junk food.
This book reforms marriages (mostly temporal) and produces fleshly couples, not God-fearing, God-obeying, God-glorifying relationships. Reformation however is the typical behaviour of the unsaved religious, who clean their house and reform it so that the evil spirit departs, but after a period of furlough the unclean spirit returns to find his abode cleaned and garnished, so he brings seven more demonic spirits with him, so the end of the man is worse than the beginning (Matt 12:33-35). This is what self-help self-esteemism books like Five Love Languages produce. A finish line that is badder than before.
If you want to know how to fix your marriage permanently and glorify God in the process, from Whom all blessings flow, which is our reasonable service—considering that its an actual genuine marriage under heaven’s authority, and not adultery, a first-time marriage where God has made one flesh between you and your spouse and not an adulterous illegitimate “marriage” where divorce and remarriage has taken place—you should earnestly read and study and then obey the Word of God, which is the King James Bible for English speaking folks. Passages like Eph 5:22-33, Col 3:18-21, and 1 Pet 3:1-7 tell believers what our conduct in marriage should be. Mk 10:2-12 instructs us about the finality and unbrokenness (besides death) of marriage. But these are not lists of methods or techniques; they are fruits of the Spirit working within the born again believer. These are not skills that can be purchased from the psychological self-help marketplace of humanism-cloaked books such as Five Love Languages, and others such as Love and Respect; they are the earnest or guaranteed fruit produced in the life of every truly saved saint. This obedience and fruit in the passages noted above, comes about from the nature of a person that is genuinely converted to Christ, being regenerated and transformed by the Holy Spirit so that they obediently and gratefully “seek[s] those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God” and continue after conversion to “mortify [their] members which are upon the earth,” which is that part of our old man nature that seeks self-gratification (Col 3:1, 5), though it be dead and crucified, for “they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.” (Gal 5:23-26). ONLY those that are truly, genuinely, converted, born again, can “reckon [themselves] to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord.” (Rom 6:11). They are never again the servants of sin, but always the servants of righteousness.
“But God be thanked, that ye were the servants of sin, but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you. Being then made free from sin, ye became the servants of righteousness.” (Rom 6:17-18).
I would suggest for people to stop being selfish, emotional-driven, spineless and compromised, and take responsibility for their role in marriage, in accordance to what God’s Word says, and not what you would like it to say. Reject what this heretic writes and believe the Bible. It is perhaps quite possible that the one important need is for you to repent and be converted, for anyone that reads this psychological/humanistic garbage by Chapman and thinks its fine, does not know the Bible or the God of the Bible, nor owns the spiritual judgement and discernment that comes along with being a true born again believer (cf. 1 Cor 2:14-16; 10:15; Jn 7:24; Pr 21:3, 15). Saved people know the truth and do not believe a lie, and Five Love Languages is a lie, a horribly destructive lie. Speaking to saved people in 1 Jn 2:20-21, John the Apostle declared,
"But ye have an unction from the Holy One, and ye know all things. I have not written unto you because ye know not the truth, but because ye know it, and that no lie is of the truth."
2. Because the book is a haphazard admixture of humanism, pop-psychology interweaved with a wee bit of truth and some common sense.
From an unsaved, natural man perspective, this book makes sense. It caters to the flesh, the lusts of the fallible and sinful selfish flesh. It has humanistic “answers” to problems only God can solve. It is written with that form of foundation, and then caters to those type of people, even though it has some pretence of Christianity to it.
Nearly everything in Five Love Languages is drawn from the world of psychology, motivational dynamics, conflict resolution theory (fleshly, carnal), humanism garbed in “Christianity,” and the personal experience and anecdotes of the author and others. Lots of fake examples of people that don’t exist, while the Bible is full of examples of people that do actually exist. Of course Chapman couldn’t use the Bible as per example, like he attempts in his perversion and wresting of Scripture (cf. 2 Pet 3:16-17)—though it be but few—because nobody in Scripture aligns with what he is attempting to illustrate. It would in fact be impossible for him to find even one example in Scripture to fit his needs-based psychological, humanistic philosophies. The advice Chapman gives has a show of worldly wisdom (1 Cor 1:18-29), and completely lacks spiritual power necessary for real change. It is NOT the wisdom of God being displayed but wisdom “through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ” (Col 2:8).
Man’s problem is depicted not as sin but a lack of self-esteem. Man is not a sinner; he is a victim. He doesn’t need salvation and sanctification; he needs his love tank filled and the psychological counselling of Five Love Languages.
There is typical psycho babble, since he draws most of his advice and counsel from the wells of popular counselling psychology. The foundation is a needs-based psychological system. Throughout the book there is repeated reference to the necessity of fulfilling “needs.” Spouses are encouraged to fulfill the needs of their spouses, but it always for their own gain rather than for the glory of God. These “needs” are entirely romantic or erotic, and decidedly selfish. Scripture tells us that the real need for each one of us is the removal of the wrath of God resting upon us because of our sin (Phil 3:8-16; Matt 16:24-26; Lk 18:28-30). When atonement for sin has been made, that is, we are truly born again, we are then called to mortify (put to death) that part of us that seeks to gratify self. A book that validates psychology’s so-called hierarchy of needs contradicts the clear biblical truth that Christ came to redeem us from the enslavement to such “needs.” For before salvation we were all enslaved to “serving divers lusts and pleasures” (Ti 3:3), but that is precisely what Chapman is teaching in this book.
The world says give, and people will give back. You rub their back, and they will rub yours. That is what Chapman espouses in relationships, ulterior motives, but that is not what God teaches in His Word.
“Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again.” (Lk 6:30).
The attitude of the saved is to be the opposite of what Chapman portrays. The Lord Jesus taught,
“For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? for sinners also love those that love them. And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same. And if ye lend to them of whom ye hope to receive, what thank have ye? for sinners also lend to sinners, to receive as much again. But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil. Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful.” (Lk 6:32-36)
Is the principle that “sinners also love those who love them” (Lk 6:32) really the key principle for producing marital success and happiness? The idea of expecting someone to cater to your fleshly, worldly, valueless needs, is selfishness and self-centredness, but its not Biblical love.
How someone could get a book published in which he commonly states what majority people already know is reflective of how foolish our society has become, and that includes simple-minded professing believers who believe every word (Pr 14:15). For instance, Chapman tells us that some people (our spouses, specifically) like to get compliments, like to have us do helpful and loving things, etc. Oookay. Does not the world know and do that? Of course it does, since it is plain common sense. What the world doesn’t do however is what Eph 5:22 commands, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord” because the “husband is the head of the wife . . . so let the wives be [subject] to their own husbands in every thing.” (Eph 5:23-24). Nor do “Husbands, love [their] wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;” (Eph 5:35). Unsurprisingly, the wife’s marriage role is not found at all in the book, and the husbands marriage role is severely perverted and twisted into a worldly “love” of meeting emotional, physical needs. Yet it is a book about love in marriage. Wow. How horribly deceptive and diabolical!
In contrast to meeting so-called psychological needs, the Bible teaches us something quite different.
“For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world; looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ; who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works. These things speak, and exhort, and rebuke with all authority” (Ti 2:11-15).
Like all secular interpretations of human psychology (even when lightly Christianized), he makes some good generic observations and offers some half-decent advice (of the sort that self-effort can sometimes follow). But Chapman doesn’t actually understand human nature. That basic misunderstanding has systematic distorting, misleading and corrupting effects. The fallen nature of man not only brings ignorance about how best to love others; it brings a perverse unwillingness and inability to genuinely love. It ingrains the perception that our lusts are in fact needs, empty places inside where others have disappointed us. The empty emotional tank construct is congenial to our fallen instincts, not transformative. It leaves what we instinctively want as an unquestionable good that must somehow be fulfilled. It not only leaves fundamental self-interest and self-preserveration unchallenged, it plays to self-interest and self-preserveration. Chapman gives Gentiles and sinners something they can do on their own that might work to make them happier. It is a mere bandaid, a prescription for reformation, while pretending to give Biblical advice. And that is damning, making or keeping massive amounts of people two-fold children of hell.
3. Because nowhere in the Bible are “five love languages” found, and the “love” presented is mostly unBiblical and idolatrous.
There is no Biblical passage that develops even remotely the concept of primary love languages. This significantly developed system of communicating love has no Biblical basis whatsoever. (It does have much in common, however, with the writings of psychologizer Gary Smalley). Since this book is “evil communications,” it will “corrupt good manners” (1 Cor. 15:33). Like The Prayer Of Jabez and Love & Respect, it teaches a very self-serving unBiblical love (much more along the lines of lust), a give-to-get approach which goes 100% entirely against what true Biblical faith and love is, and what true salvation does in a saint. This book is entirely focused on the glorification of man, but the Spirit of truth that indwells true believers, does NOT glorify the saint but the Saviour! (see Jn. 16:13-14).
This tells you on its own of what spirit this book is, which is “the spirit of error” (1 Jn 4:6).
Chapman’s reasons for giving accurate love to others, his explanation of what speaking another’s love language does, his ultimate goal in marriage, and his evaluation of the significance of love languages are deplorable. Speaking love languages is practical, immoral wisdom—manipulation or pandering or both—when it becomes the whole story. Part of considering the interests of others is to do them tangible good. But then to really love them, you actually need to help them see that their itch to have their needs met is idolatrous, sinful and deceptive, and will leave them on the wide path to eternal destruction and damnation; to help awaken them from this serious predicament! That’s basic Christianity. This heretical book however will never teach you to love at this true, deeper, life-and-death level of love.
Love does not have such ambiguity as Chapman makes it out to be. Love is described in the Bible (2 Jn 1:9-11; 1 Jn 5:2-3) and its different than what Chapman presents. The “love” presented is false and unBiblical and is all about scratching people where they itch (2 Tim. 4:3-4). It is selfish, though he claims to be preaching against selfishness. The “love” of Five Love Languages is a form of idolatry. Its worldly defined love, and not Biblical love. Chapman exalts the observation of the “love” of the lost in “lov[ing] them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans [“sinners”] the same?” (Matt. 5:46; Lk. 6:32). His “love” is psychological “love,” the self-esteemism and all the other self “love’s” — the “love” that is all about “I” and “Me” which happens to be the false gospel that he teaches, preaches and promotes: the false gospel of self-fulfillment, rather than the true gospel of self-abandonment or self-denial. This “love” is 100% of the flesh, which is what the book really caters to, and has no resemblance to anything remotely Biblical, definitely not Biblical love.
Concerning the rearing of children, Chapman writes,
“Most misbehavior in children and teenagers can be traced to empty love tanks . . . The growing number of adolescents who run away from home and clash with the law indicate that many parents who may have sincerely tried to express their love to their children have been speaking the wrong love language. (pp. 169, 175).
Wow, is that what God says? Who is truth? God or Gary Chapman? Chapman is one seriously wicked liar, and the damage of lies such as this is seen everywhere in the world around us. Does Chapman even acknowledge anything at all about the wicked and sinful nature of mankind? The Bible on the other hand says misbehaviour in children is caused by sin, foolishness, rebellion and evil. It has absolutely nothing to do with “empty love tanks”! This isn’t even sentimentalism that Chapman is propagating, just plain wicked lies. And he completely removes responsibility of parents for raising their children in an ungodly, worldly, unbiblical, manner.
In spite of its false and worldly foundation, the author defends his thesis on the back of the Bible. Woe. That means the book is a lie and a counterfeit, since there is no correlation to the Word of God. Most of what he is teaching does not have Biblical backing. He is not going to the Bible to find the truth and study it carefully what it says about marriage, about love, about relationships, and then expositing the passages to edify the marriages of those who profess to believe or to preach the gospel to those who don't (which includes many of those who profess to believe). He doesn’t do that, because his goal and objective is not to further the truth of God’s Word, or to glorify God, but to glorify man, to glorify the flesh, to glorify self, and essentially to teach some new thing that feeds on the emotions of people, though there be nothing new under the sun. Its merely repackaged lies.
Would you let another man into your bedroom? Then, why take his advice about his perverted views on intimacy? No man of God speaks of such things. Chapman talks about things he ought not. He loves sex so much, he had to write about it and he wants you to read about it! Not only that, his psychoheresy and perversion of God's Word goes so bad, in his memoir he speaks of explicitly asking his mother about her sex life during a tough time in his parents’ marriage!
What Chapmans five love languages really mean is as follows.
Affirming words? That is actually flattery, exalting humans above God, lying to appease someone, etc. This is why they go absolutely bananas when people obey the hundreds of passage that command reproof, rebuke, admonishment of error, sin and worldliness.
Quality time? Idolatrously serving a human above God or rather than God. Drop everything to focus on me, instead of glorifying and serving God. Give me unconditional love, which is a psychological heresy and completely unBiblical. Agree with someones opinions regardless if it is unbiblical or opposes God’s Word. Certainly never disagree with me, or question me, or interrupt me. Who is the person that runs the household? Is the man in submission to God, or is it the wife?
Gifts? The spouse feels loved when the husband gives her whatever she wants, pampers her, gives her however much money she wants, or stuff she wants even if it opposes God’s Word, or takes her on exotic vacations so she can live sinfully in subordination to her sinful flesh, prancing around naked on the beach or indulge in the devils drink (i.e. alcohol), etc.
Acts of service? She will feel loved when I do exactly what she wants, saying, “Your wish is my command.” Where is submission to what God’s Word says? What does Scripture say about serving man over God? Serving the creature more than the Creator?
Physical touch? She feels loved when I do whatever she wants and she feels like the most special person in the world, while Christ has that place in the truly saved persons life.
Five Love Languages and the people that embrace these lies are a fulfilment of 2 Tim 3:1-5,
“This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.”
Its no surprise that there is so much heresy and apostasy in “evangelicalism” today, unsaved hypocrites everywhere, children rejecting their parents "God," tons of false eptrco,f essions and destructive marriages, including at Evangelical Mennonite Conference (EMC) and Evangelical Berghtaler Mennonite Conference (EBMC). They are literally fulfilling the heresies they have learned in heretical books like this, and other such as Love & Respect, etc, and fulfilling the behaviour of false professing “believers” of the last days (2 Tim 3:1-8; 4:3-4), who "Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.” (2 Tim 3:5).
4. Because of the general theme of the book, which is psychology and humanism dressed up as Christianity.
He promotes a need-driven theology, which is entirely unscriptural. Chapman is essentially describing the “wants” and “needs” of lost people, which explains the reason why there would be nothing in this book on the evil nature of man and his ungodly desires (Jer. 17:9; Mk. 7:21-23) — the very essence of what is wrong with man. That is very strange indeed, but not surprising since this is a psychology-based book, not a Bible-based book, and its author is clearly unregenerate (Matt. 7:15-23; Ju. 1:4).
He promotes the heresies of self-esteemism and unconditional love in the same vein as Rick Warren, James Dobson, Philip Yancy, Joyce Meyer, Larry Crabb, Gary Smalley, Selwyn Hughes, David Seamands, Charles Stanley, and a host of other popular so-called Christian leaders and authors, all of whom he would associate with. The self-esteem doctrine, which was borrowed from humanistic God haters like Abraham Maslow and Carl Rogers, has been promoted far and wide in Christian circles by a slew of "Christian" psychologists, with James Dobson leading the way and Chapman learning his lessons well from Dobson and writings books on this heresy, undoubtedly being massively influenced by this psychoheretic. Five Love Languages prescribes precisely what Dobson recommends:
“If I could write a prescription for the women of the world, I would provide each one of them with a healthy dose of self-esteem and personal worth (taken three times a day until the symptoms disappear). I have no doubt that this is their greatest need” (What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew about Women, p. 35).
Chapmans goal was to remove the lack of self-esteem which threatens the home, acceding to Dobson that a “lack of self-esteem is a threat to the entire human family, affecting children, adolescents, the elderly, all socioeconomic levels of society, and each race and ethic culture” (ibid, p. 24). Dobson opinionated this because he believes that lack of self-esteem is the cause of every social ill.
Unsurprisingly, even the world (University of Arizona) understands the psychology behind this book. This speaks once again volumes to who Chapman really is, according to these words of Christ:
“Woe unto you, when all men shall speak well of you! for so did their fathers to the false prophets.” (Lk 6:26).
Professor Doctor Sigmund Freud would’ve loved this book. He would have been pleased to see that it has taken little more than a century for his doctrines that he concocted to take priority over Scripture, even within so-called Christianity. Freud boldly rejected Christ and ridiculed Scripture’s teaching of original sin. He taught that people have problems with thinking, feeling, or behaving (and problems in marriage) because of past traumatic experiences. For Freud, the solution to those problems comes via informed or insightful self-effort. Usually a therapist or counsellor or some special guidance is required. To him, the measure of psychological maturity or “success” was personal pleasure, the fulfillment of sensual “needs.” The Freudian paradigm rejected any notion of original sin, conviction of sin, the counsel and guidance of the Holy Spirit, the transforming work of God in the life of a true born again believer, and the Christian life purposed in faithful service to a redeeming, Thrice Holy God.
Readers are left with the impression that a “happy” marriage is the ultimate goal of the Christian life. At no time are professing Christian couples encouraged to pour out their lives for anyone but themselves. Where is the great commission in this? Where is obeying God’s Word and helping thy neighbour as thyself for the purpose of glorifying God and worshipping Him by preaching truth and the gospel? Who has time for such when “date night,” “sex night,” “re-igniting the fire in the bedroom night,” “quality time,” etc, increasingly fill the calendar of these committed love languagers. The Word of God in complacency-jarring hyperbole teaches a different priority:
“And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household” (Matt 10:36)
“If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple” (Lk 14:26).
These are prerequisites to conversion, and so if they are unconverted, they most certainly won’t be living in such a sacrificial manner, as the true disciple of Christ will.
This book is simply another self promoting book. ‘I did this, and I did that.’ And the message he wants to tell everybody: I am big, I am a psychologist, I know what I am doing. Go to my seminars, listen to my CDs and buy more of my books. "The love of money" is indeed "the root of all evil” (1 Tim 6:10).
No author of this nature can be trusted for even a second. He should be treated as the Apostle Paul would have:
“To whom we gave place by subjection, no, not for an hour; that the truth of the gospel might continue with you.” (Gal 2:5)
5. Because of the authors adherence to and love for horrible perversions of God’s Word.
He quotes the terribly corrupt and chopped up scriptures of NIV and other false bibles (e.g. ASV, PB, NWT). Technically the issue in need of exposure could end right here, I would need to say no more. No one should be trusted to any degree that bases his doctrine and “theology” on perverted chopped up mutilated versions of Scripture that are missing hundreds of verses or portions of verses, missing thousands upon upon thousand of words, and corrupt doctrine, and have not been translated formally but dynamically, translations that massively transgress Rev 22:18-19 which reads,
“For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book: And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.”
For further info on the very serious issue of modern Bible perversions, see an evaluation of the ESV here and an evaluation of the NKJV here.
6. Because of who the author is.
Kudos to Chapman's long, one-time marriage, 60 years, but its in spite of the love languages heresy and its definitely not because he embraces Biblical roles in marriage and he leads the home according to God's Word. He doesn’t teach that there is a difference in gender roles in marriage. A member of Calvary Baptist where Chapman has “pastored” for a few decades, which is a heretical and Biblical-opposing worldly SBC church, stated that in his counselling and preaching she never heard Chapman distinguish men versus women: “I’ve never heard him say, ‘Men do this,’ and ‘Women do that.’” (Source).
Yet God does. Clearly. Plainly. Right from Genesis 3 to the end of the NT. Man is the head of the home. He is to rule over his wife. “Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.” (Gen 3:16). To the man God then said: “Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.” (Gen 3:17-19). The wife is to be “discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed,” (Ti 2:4-5), while the husband works for the wife and family (Gen 3:17-19). The wife is to submit herself to her husband in everything (Eph 5; Col 3). She is to be modest and godly (1 Tim 2:9-10) and not usurp authority over men, but to remain silent in the church (1 Tim 2:11-15), “Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.” (vv. 11-12). 1 Cor 14:34-35 says the same: “Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.” This subservient submission is described in 1 Pet 3:1-6, where the exemplar illustration is given of “Sara obeying Abraham, calling him lord.” The husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church (Eph 5; Col 3), and not be bitter against her (Col 3:19) and to “dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” (1 Pet 3:7).
Are these different roles where men do certain things and women do certain things? I would say! Man, how horribly reprobate and blind and rebellious does a person have to be to reject such perspicuously plain truths in God’s Word! And then go forward and teach his heresies to other people, precisely fulfilling the Biblical characteristics of the false teacher (Rom 16:17-18; 2 Pet 2:1-3).
Gary Chapman is a secular, unregenerate so-called “psychiatrist” and counsellor, who plays at church and Christianity. What he believes, presents and lives is not Biblical Christianity, but a counterfeit, a placebo.
He is a heretic in the very sense of the word.
Though the foundation of heresy was always there, the book exposed his heretical disposition.
Chapman is the byproduct of the exceedingly heretical and apostate Southern Baptist Convention (SBC), growing up in a devout SBC home. Naturally, he attended terribly heretical and apostate colleges and institutions such as Moody Bible Institute, Wheaton College, Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and Wake Forest University. So the fruit of his ongoing and increasing corruption, is manifest.
"But evil men and seducers shall wax worse and worse, deceiving, and being deceived." (2 Tim 3:13).
Chapman is also extremely ecumenical — associating, fellowshipping, and yoking with any heretic whatsoever, regardless of their beliefs or practices. He utterly rejects God’s doctrine of separation, which literally fills the NT, and is a massive evidence of true conversion (e.g. 2 Cor 6:14-18; 1 Tim 6:2-5; Eph 5:11; 1 Jn 4:1-6; 2 Jn 1:9-11; 3 Jn 1:9-11; Rev 18:6; etc). Though there are hundreds of examples that could be provided, one that really stands out was his eager pursuit and then acceptance for an invitation to appear on the ungodly, apostate, new age Oprah Winfrey show. "Gary Chapman’s team had been trying for ten years to get him on Oprah Winfrey," (source) which was finally fulfilled for Valentine’s Day weekend 2013. If a true born again believer would ever appear on such an apostate, worldly, ungodly show, which they wouldn't, but if they did, it would be with one goal in mind, alone, and that would be the preaching of the true gospel Jesus Christ, hellfire and brimstone. But that's about the last thing that would ever happen in Gary Chapman's world. However, being invited onto that evil show would never happen for the actual truly genuinely converted saint, nor would he or she ever accept such an invitation, never mind pursue one. Why not? The Lord Jesus Christ stated,
"If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you." (Jn 15:19).
God commands through the writing of Paul the Apostle,
"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people." (2 Cor 6:14-16)
Chapman unsurprisingly promotes psychologists, such as the heretic William James. He is deeply connected with the psychoheretic James Dobson and Focus on the Family, a psychoheretical, neo-evangelical, unBiblical prostituting organization for whom he teaches and writes.
His prayer life is seriously messed and new age, and certainly not any sort of prayer closet. It is explained in the following way, according to this source:
He prays through his first round of daily calisthenics: “I come to you in the name of Jesus,” he recites, swinging his arms up and down, then intercedes for people by name while swinging his arms left to right and doing bicep curls. During heel raises, he covers some refugee camps and rescue missions. He does it all over again at night, “but at night I’m just talking to God and praising God.”
Chapman loves ungodly rock and roll music that masquerades as “Christian” and worshipping God, which this author warns of here, and here. He has always embraced and promoted the CCM philosophy, and is thoroughly worldly and fleshly minded. This point once again proves him to be a wolf in sheep’s clothing (Matt 7:15-20), since saved people separate from the world and the things of the world and from unbelievers and the unrighteous (2 Cor 7:14-18; 1 Jn 2:15-17; Jam 4:4). He is an enemy of God (Jam 4:4) and an ungodly man, “turning the grace of our God into lasciviousness, and denying the only Lord God, and our Lord Jesus Christ.” (Ju 1:4). James said that “pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is to “keep himself UNSPOTTED from the world” (Jam 1:27) and he solemnly warned that those who befriend the world are the enemies of God (Jam 4:4). This is NOT describing true born again believers but those who falsely pretend to be. That apparently was the condition of many professing believers in James’ day, but it has become the condition of most today. Paul said we are to have “NO fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them” (Eph 5:11). This is a very strict standard of separation but it is the standard nonetheless of all truly saved regenerate saints. 2 Cor 7:14-18 makes that very clear. Paul taught Timothy to keep Gods “commandment[s] without SPOT, unrebukeable” (1 Tim 6:14). It is instructive that Paul used the word “commandment” in this passage, because the contemporary worship CCM crowd typically rails against “rules” and “regulations.” Paul issued commandments to the brethren (2 Th. 3:4, 6, 12). By my count, the epistle of Ephesians alone contains 88 commandments for NT believers that we to keep by God’s grace and through the indwelling Spirit. Contemporary false professing Christian’s pick and choose what they will obey and keep and what they won’t keep, but that is the mark of a rebel who obviously has never been redeemed by the blood of Jesus Christ, and does not actually love the Lord Jesus Christ regardless of their lip service and “pious” behaviour (Jn 14:14-24; 15:9; 1 Jn 2:3-5; etc). They are liars about being Christian, and about knowing God (1 Jn 2:3-5).
He is a dangerous heretic who in countless places within his filthy books condones adultery and fornication. ANY person even without any knowledge of the details of the Bible knows full well that these things are abhorred by the one true Living God. Yet, here we have a so-called “Christian” who condones it!
Men like Chapman are described in various places in the Bible. For instance, we could easily liken him to one Elymas the sorcerer who was seeking to turn people away from the one true and pure faith found in God’s Word. To him Paul said, which could be echoed to Gary Chapman,
“O full of all subtilty and all mischief, thou child of the devil, thou enemy of all righteousness, wilt thou not cease to pervert the right ways of the Lord?” (Ac 13:8-10).
Just like he isn’t a real born again Christian, he isn’t a real psychiatrist either. While the author has a PhD, he is NOT a psychiatrist, nor was his back ground in psychology or social work. His studies were in anthropology. Its obvious that he has been heavily influenced by the “Christian” psychoheresy of heretics like Larry Crabb and James Dobson, for whom he writes.
7. Because of the authors personal testimony.
He has no Biblical testimony of salvation. That which he might mention so rarely as finding teeth in a hens mouth, is heretical, easy believism and quick prayerism. But he rarely ever speaks about such “trivial” things since he has moved onto greater and more prestigious things. No, he has actually never moved anywhere at all, for his entire foundation is built upon sand (Matt 7:26-27). The distinguishing feature of the sand-house builder is his rebellion against God’s Word. Not doing what He says. The Lord Jesus declared,
“And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand:” (Matt 7:26).
Lukes account says,
“And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?” (Lk 6:46).
These are obviously unsaved people, not only because Jesus says in this passage they are unsaved but also because He directly references these individuals in Matt 7:21-23 as being false professing “believers,” and furthermore, because they obey not what He says. Obedience to God’s Word is the evidence of salvation, just as Jesus says in Jn 14:15-24 and John repeats in 1 Jn 2:3-5, amongst other mentions in Scripture.
Of course there are tons of examples, nigh endless, of his blatant disobedience to the Word of God, but we would need to go no further than this very book itself. Mixing psychology and humanism and worldly philosophy, is evil. Its spiritual adultery. Its prostituting the truth. Mixing clean with unclean. He is guilty of what Israel has always been guilty of,
“Her priests have violated my law, and have profaned mine holy things: they have put no difference between the holy and profane, neither have they shewed difference between the unclean and the clean, and have hid their eyes from my sabbaths, and I am profaned among them.” (Ex 22:26).
After the time of his so-called profession of faith, he got married and was attending Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and yet a miserable man while preaching “hope” (his own words, “I can’t be this miserable at home and preach hope”). Yikes. What motivated his behaviour and love? Was it the flesh or the Spirit? I think the rhetorical answer should be self-evident. No fruit of the Spirit, no joy, only misery, which was solved in what manner? Repentance? Going to the Word of God and studying to obey? Obedience? Salvation? Nope. None of the above. He “prayed, and an image came to mind of Jesus on his knees, washing the disciples’ feet. Christ was a servant leader, an attitude Chapman realized he did not have.” (Ibid). Wow, how scripted neo-evangelical. The feet washing seems to be the litmus test or the golden rule for “servanthood” in apostate evangelical-land, when most don’t have the first clue as to what being a servant of Christ even is. Their idea of servanthood is treating unsaved (which is most "evangelicals") people as saved, and then feeding their flesh by filling their "love tank" through such means as appeasing their unBiblical desires, entertainment, worldly music, dress standards, etc, rather than standing upon the truth of God's Word, doing what God's Word says, reproving and rebuking their unbiblical and ungodly behaviour, even if it is their own spouse or children. Makes no difference. When Jesus instructed the apostles in Matt 10 what to preach when He sent them out to preach the gospel of the kingdom which encompasses repentance (Matt 4:17; Mk 6:12), He didn't give them some fancy tales or fictitious fables of filling love tanks or meeting their spouse's or others ungodly fleshly needs, but rather,
"Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. And a man's foes shall be they of his own household. He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me. He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it." (Matt 10:34-39)
How many of you that read and obey this Five Love Languages garbage are not worthy of Christ?
In Luke 14, Jesus at this time preached these truths Himself to the unsaved multitudes,
"If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple." (Lk 14:26-27)
The call to discipleship or the call to salvation (same thing), is a very serious life-altering call and everyone that laps up this toxic garbage from Chapman as good dog food, has never taken up God's call to discipleship/salvation. They are rejecting the true gospel for a counterfeit, a placebo, of easy believism and where they get to remain in charge of their own life.
After that, Chapman “prayed for an attitude of serving his wife.” Notice again the man-centredness of this psychoheretic. Nowhere is there any godly attitude of actually being obedient to God by His Word, in keeping His will and serving Him, to standing up for the truth, even if his wife hates him for it (Lk 14:26); none of this is present because false teachers are unsaved and “servants” of people. They are purely man-centred, NOT God-centred, and it comes out when they teach, preach, practice and attempt hermeneutics.
Only unsaved people that have a false profession of faith are miserable, since they cannot just drum up true fruit of the Spirit, which is present in any circumstance of the true born again believer's life. Fruit of the Spirit, referring to our emotions and disposition, is one. Singular. You either have it or you don’t, and all saved people have it. Since these fleshly minded professors have not fruit of the Spirit, and really have no idea what it actually is and merely liken such to the flesh-influenced and induced emotions by worldly and lustful behaviour, their attention is always on methods and means to appease the lusts of the flesh so as to keep “happiness” and “joy” going. When that “tank” runs out, misery sets in, until someone with special insight into their "love language" can fill that love tank. This is why around 70% of the American population is on anti-depressants. Their joy, happiness, faith, etc, is not driven by the Spirit of God but by dopamine and serotonin levels in their brain. When those are exhausted, they turn to other things, such as drugs (and antidepressants are also drugs) and alcohol, etc, to keep the euphoria going. Everything I am describing here is fruit of the flesh and its the hallmark of the natural man, the unsaved man, and Gary Chapman is no exception. The terrible and evil thing however is, he is publicly promoting this wicked teaching, which is why I write this report, to expose his dangerous folly unto all men (2 Tim 3:9).
Not only is he a false teacher corrupting God’s Word (2 Cor 2:17) and peddling heresies and unsound doctrine, beguiling people with heresy and pushing a false gospel (Gal 1:6-9; 2 Jn 1:6-9), he is also an unrepentant adulterer and litigant of some sort of scandal. He is the product of sexual deviation and adultery, and God’s Word is very plain that no “adulterer . . . nor extortioner . . . shall inherit the kingdom of God.” (1 Cor 6:9-10).
Why would you learn from a man to whom the Bible is closed? A man who cannot tell you the deep things of God or how to have a godly marriage or living a God-glorifying life because he does not know the God of the Bible?
Gary Chapman is a child of Belial (Satan) who rides on greed and sexual perversion and the corruption of God’s Word (2 Cor 2:17). He is truly an emissary of Satan in the very meaning of the word (2 Cor 11:12-15). It is not surprising in the least bit that there are so many unsaved, lost, false professing “believers” in evangelical churches, ranging anywhere between 95 and 100%. Practically a blanket of hypocrites. He, like so many others in neo-evangelicalism, are ravening wolves in sheep’s clothing, and perfectly described in Rom 16:17-18 and 1 Tim 6:3-5, and they need to be marked (exposed).
“Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them. For they that are such serve not our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly; and by good words and fair speeches deceive the hearts of the simple.” (Rom 16:17-18).
“If any man teach otherwise, and consent not to wholesome words, even the words of our Lord Jesus Christ, and to the doctrine which is according to godliness; He is proud, knowing nothing, but doting about questions and strifes of words, whereof cometh envy, strife, railings, evil surmisings, Perverse disputings of men of corrupt minds, and destitute of the truth, supposing that gain is godliness: from such withdraw thyself.” (1 Tim 6:3-5)
His so-called hermeneutics are heretical and precisely what Peter warns of in 2 Pet 3:16-17, the wicked who wrest God’s Word, and all true born again believers best beware:
“As also in all his epistles, speaking in them of these things; in which are some things hard to be understood, which they that are unlearned and unstable wrest, as they do also the other scriptures, unto their own destruction. Ye therefore, beloved, seeing ye know these things before, beware lest ye also, being led away with the error of the wicked, fall from your own stedfastness.”
The author and his book are disingenuous. Clever, worldly wise. He hits neo-evangelicals straight between the eyes with what they live for: the flesh. Bulls eye. Its no wonder he sells 11 million copies.
Five Love Languages is a great threat to biblical authority.
Chapman’s authority is NOT the Word of God but fleshly experience. Its not even Biblical-based, obedient experience; its just completely of the flesh experience. ‘How to cater to your wife or husband, to meet his needs, to fulfill his lusts, since both are unregenerate and live for self, so that the marriage can be “happy.”’ ‘The problem is that we’re basically good people, and if we just got our needs met, we wouldn’t misbehave.’ Thats it in a nutshell. The trust is wholly in the flesh of man’s arm vs trust in the Lord (Jer 17:5-8) but that “trust” is cursed and turns to desert and hell eventually, while trusting in the Lord, which is demonstrated, like love, by obedience, you’ll be like the tree planted by rivers of water.
“Thus saith the LORD; Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm, and whose heart departeth from the LORD. For he shall be like the heath in the desert, and shall not see when good cometh; but shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness, in a salt land and not inhabited. Blessed is the man that trusteth in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is. For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit.” (Jer 7:5-8).
The book is loaded with blatant denials of Bible Christianity and is a rejection of the God of the Bible and are thus a pursuit of a false god — the very god of end-times apostasy.
“Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ.” (Col 2:8).
In a nutshell, that passage describes precisely what this book and author are all about. Philosophy. Vain deceit. Tradition of men. Rudiments of the world. But not after Christ. Far from Christ in fact. And the gullible, naive, simple-minded (Pr 14:15, 18) are largely taken captive by these ear tickling fables. Chapman has a way of twisting words and stories to keep the reader reading and buying his garbage. Anyone with the spiritual discernment that is given by the indwelling Spirit of God will not to be deceived by this garbage, but will place it where it belongs: in the trash. He will “hate every false way” (Ps 119:104, 128) like God does.
Syncretism with Baal and worship on the high places was a constant problem for the unregenerate nation of Israel. When man turns from the Word of God, he still does turn toward some modern variant of ancient cults. Scripture warns us that this is more serious to God than many wish to admit.
“For if God spared not the natural branches, take heed lest he also spare not thee” (Rom 11:21)
No man that has the indwelling Holy Spirit gets past even a few of these pages before closing this book of poison and discarding it for the fire. This unscriptural deceit is nauseating. Those truly born again can discern and decipher between things that are of God, spiritual things, and things of this world, vile things (1 Cor. 2:14-16; 1 Th. 5:21-22). They know the difference between clean and unclean, truth and error. They are able to discern between “the spirit of truth, and the spirit of error” because they hear and keep the Word of God (1 Jn 4:6). They are able to “try the spirits whether they are of God:” which saved people are commanded to, “because many false prophets are gone out into the world.” (1 Jn 4:1). Of course the discernment of the saved increases with maturity (e.g. Heb. 5:14), but every true believer has discernment and foundational Biblical knowledge (Heb. 5:12; 6:1) and the indwelling Holy Spirit who leads and teaches truth (1 Jn. 2:20-21, 27). When the born again believer reads God’s Word, the Holy Spirit guides and teaches him to understand God's Word (Jn 16:13; 1 Jn 2:20-21, 27) but when the Holy Spirit is troubled by what you are reading especially when it claims to be of God, and it blatantly goes against God’s Word, it is not of God!
If Five Love Languages was written by a non-professing secularist and marketed as a psychological and humanistic book, which it is, without any mention or pretence of Christianity, then so be it. Let the world eat it up and feed their natural flesh. But its not. Its written as a Christian book, when its anything but. It uses Christianity as a pragmatic crutch to serve its greater purpose or higher goal of a happy marriage, and to feed this specific audience. This kind of heretical thinking is common and seemingly acceptable in “evangelical” and mainstream Christianity today, but its apostasy. For instance, forgiveness is valuable because it reduces blood pressure and increases spousal intimacy. Families that pray together stay together and supposedly have fewer children in prison because they have stayed together. God is presented as a means to an end in contrast to Scripture’s clear presentation of God as the beginning and the end. God was surely made for us, rather than us for Him (Col 1:16). Christianity is presented as “useful” and its value as practical. The Christian is seen as an eager consumer of the benefits of the Christian faith rather than as an eager servant of Christ loving that Redeemer who first loved him. Five Love Languages is a precise picture of the false “evangelicalism” gospel of self-fulfillment.
Yet in spite of its massive contradiction to Scripture, Chapman has sold large volumes of this book, with neo-evangelicals as his number one customer. This is a good illustration to the apostasy in evangelical-land, as the title of this report proclaims. This truly is a good illustration of the garbage that neo-evangelicals and such feed at, and the apostasy present in “evangelicalism” in general and Christiandom as a whole, a fulfilment of end times Bible prophecy (2 Tim 3:1-9; 4:2-4). I can’t help but be reminded of the Latin saying, in regione caecorum rex est luscus or “in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.” And there are many one-eyed kings!
What would compel someone to read unBiblical garbage written by a so-called psychologist? Such compelling is definitely not of God or from His Word but from the lusts of man’s ungodly flesh. Blindness perhaps (cf. Ac 26:18)?
Consider Paul’s warning of men just like Gary Chapman:
“Beware of dogs, beware of evil workers, beware of the concision. . . . (For many walk, of whom I have told you often, and now tell you even weeping, that they are the enemies of the cross of Christ: Whose end is destruction, whose God is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame, who mind earthly things.)” (Phil 3:2, 18-19).
Is this supposed to be a "Christian" book? The bible clearly defines marriage roles: Christ is the head of the husband, the husband is the head of the wife, and the wife is to submit to her husband. If every couple did this, there would be no need for broken homes and divorce. It doesn't matter which “love language” you allegedly speak, if you are in rebellion to the Lord and refuse to take the role you were created to fulfill, you will not have a happy marriage. And the focus on something that is in extraBiblical and even unBiblical, will surely lead to destruction. God says that.
“Whoso despiseth the word shall be destroyed: but he that feareth the commandment shall be rewarded.” (Pr 13:13).
Read God’s Word to save your marriage. That is the King James Bible only if you speak English, for God's power is in His Word (Heb 4:12), and modern Bible perversions are not His Word. Trust and rely on the God that is perfect and sinless in all ways and stop blinding following a mere man that actually cares NOTHING about you or your spouse.
It behooves and bewilders me that a professing Christian could pick up this cleverly packaged tale of lies, read through it, and come out the other end with a thumbs up and the attitude of “let’s do a “Bible” study on it!”
Silly and foolish women led by their diverse lusts (2 Tim 3:5-9) who run their household and refuse to submit to the Biblical mandate of obedience and submission to their husband who is to rule over them, gravitate towards this heresy. Just like in the days of Isaiah, and as it will be in these end times:
“As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths.” (Is 3:12).
If you believe the garbage found in the pages of this book, then you have been beguiled and are absent of spiritual discernment. And that means what, then, according to Scripture?
You also have itching ears that like to be scratched with fables and unsound doctrine:
“For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears; And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.” (2 Tim 4:3-4).
Parent, have you read this book or taken this course with joy, with gratefulness and now seek to fulfil its demands in your home? Your children will remain just as unsaved, lost, and hypocritical as you are. This is truth and you need to wake up to it!
"And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them." (Eph 5:11)